The bus screeched to a stop at the front of the school. Many stood up and got off, talking to their friends while strolling by to the entrance, but Leslie stayed in her seat looking at the sunrise. The sunrise looked more beautiful today, since it was her last day.
She got off last and made her way to the entrance. She’s sweating, not only from her jeans and hoodie that she decided to wear even though it’s a 75 degree day outside, but also from the anxiety of school too. She tried to act calm, and took a deep breath as she approached the place.
“ID please”
Leslie pulled out her school’s ID card from wallet. It wasn’t her name, her face, it just wasn’t her. The ID card quickly became a reminder of reality for her, and she tried to keep it hidden deep within her wallet at all times. One day she hoped that those pictures of her would be gone forever. She hoped that the mirrors and cameras would lie to her someday.
She didn’t like school. Though some subjects were interesting to her, school itself was ruined by the people there. She tried not to care, and she tried many times. But she couldn’t ignore it when others were belittling her for her identity. Today she tried to keep calm and listen to music, while drawing in her sketchbook.
Art class was where she truly felt free, she painted and painted, not even noticing time going by. Leslie painted to relieve stress and as an act of revenge against the world around her. The paintings and drawings became the frontlines for her battle to prove herself, that she was a human just like the others, and that she could succeed just like them.
However, this battle was hard to fight alone. Her artworks often had the opposite effect, and further outcasted her from her peers at school. Maybe they weren’t on her side to begin with, but now they certainly made their opinions clear.
Leslie sat alone on the way back from school, she frequently imagined herself with a different body, a different voice, and a different identity. She thought that something was definitely wrong with her, and she wished for this life to stop many times. She wished she could be born in a new life as a girl. Today was her last day, and at this time she just wished that she could at least see a little positivity this day.
Leslie exited the bus and opened the door to her home. The situation at home wasn’t great either. Her father usually worked on his truck or watched political talk shows. Her mother was more on the religious side. But they weren’t at home today, her father was out of town, while her mother was still at work. This gave her an opportunity to start her evening plans for today.
Leslie once tried opening up to her parents about her true self, her mother just thought this was a phase, while her father scolded her for “not being a man”. Her father threw a wrench from his toolbox at her, and Leslie fled to her room crying that night, while loud bangs rattled her door followed by the shouting of her mother on how this will bring more problems to her family.
Her body still shivers just from looking at the marks on the door and wall around her room. She quickly rushed in and closed her door, to avoid thinking about it again.
She put on her headphones, and looked for the song on youtube she had saved for her plans on this last day. But right when she was about to find it, a video came up, talking about an online transgender community.
She paused for a moment, then she immediately clicked the invite link as fast as she could. She initially was very shy at first, but after introducing herself, she was met with positivity and kindness in the community.
Days passed by, and many people helped her out with her journey, gave advice, and shared ideas. She shared her art and she was able to make good friends through the online community. The friendliness, sense of belonging, and positivity from the online community drowned away all the negativity from the outside world.
No matter how many people took videos of her in school, no matter how much anti-trans rhetoric is pushed in her home state, and no matter how much her parents shouted at her, she finally had a place to feel safe, even if it is online.